rewind

so, i´m here, once more, after the chaotic end of my semester slash thesis slash final project slash in-concluded state in which i´m left in after finishing college...
so i´ve almost graduated, and what´s next, the first step is this deeply deep continuos soul searching...
so what have we missed out on?

one:
i recently pinpointed i have minor dyslexia, (a word i had to spell check because it´s a word i think i had never written).. i say minor, because sometimes i can confuse the p for the b or the w for the m.. letters that quickly sort themselves out... anywho. i think i always knew i had it, it just never really got in the way.
i´m smoking a lot.. (which sometimes i love, and sometimes i don´t)
i´m doing exercise, something i hadn´t done in about two years.

ok.. so the world has lately showed me that it´s not what i imagined it would be, but what´s true is that it´s mostly worth living, i had begun limiting my opportunities thinking they weren´t for me, i begun stereotyping myself, what i hadn´t realized is that how the fuck could i know, if i had never tried it. so.. i guess i´m about to try everything.. or at least that´s what´s making sense right now.

my computer´s falling apart, i need a new one.

anywho.. otro dato es q he estado retomando a death cab for cutie, no sé por qué regresé ahorita a ellos.. pero bueno aquí estoy.. y soy su fans. creo q es por qué crecí con ellos y fue todo lo q tocaba mi cd player la segunda vez q fui a europa, y fue la primera vez q viajaba sola y q realmente me sentí sola. (aprendí a crecer mucho en esa época)...

on another note, been thinking a lot about life, love. and etceteras... my conclusion on life, is that we all have a huge power of changing ourselves, of evolution, of growing and progressing.
on love.. a couple of weeks ago, had a conversation with a friend who stated he didn´t believe in love, he didn´t believe in love in the sense that he didn´t think love was forever...i laughed naturally, and then was sent into weeks of analysis and contemplation into this subject, i was surprised on how much thought went into these words.. and then i found myself realizing i had always believed in the same statement, but had never put it into a phrase.. today, now, that i have given it more thought my outermost conclusion is.. whatever love i have to promise, i can only promise it for today...
podrán creer q es la versión diluída del amor, pero yo la veo como la versión condensada, es como todo el amor q tienes, lo das en un solo día y lo vuelves a repetir.

so today, this is what i feel, i feel we only have now (this instant as past/present and future) for everything, for this transformation, for whatever it is that we want... i don´t want to give out this "just do it" sort of trite sentiment, but it´s so true, humans at their most certain moment, is at this instant...
what else have we got?..

and p.s. i´m going blinder as each day passes. i think i should get my eyes checked... or maybe it´s just symbolic.


death cab tracklist.

(something about airplanes.)
your bruise.

(the photo album.)
steadier footing.
a movie script ending.

(transatlanticism.)
title and registration.
the new year.

(plans.)
what sarah said.
i will follow you into the dark.

(narrow stairs.)
bixby canyon bridge.
talking bird.
grapevine fires.

ah, y no tengo nada de sueño, conforme pasan los días, duermo menos.